#oppositionpolitics

The message comes through WhatsApp, on one of those journalists’ groups.

That there will be a press conference organized by Reformers Party and, "We therefore invite you, our media partners to cover the event.”

And so the journalists descend on the venue at some headquarters, office, room, hotel in town to listen to what the fiery opposition want to say.

More often than not, the main speaker comes late.

Grand entrance things.

Keep 'em waiting things.

The spokesperson has already arrived.

To ensure that they calm the journalists in case they threaten to leave because “ for them they are tired of being ‘underlooked’!”

And when the "main convener" does arrive, flanked by other party members who have also been promised a chance to chip in should the need arise.

As desired, there is a flurry of camera flashes before he takes his seat.

So he is assured he will be on TV tonight, or in the papers tomorrow. 

His prepared speech is typed out on A4 paper.

They sit in a line and pull out their grimmest faces as the journalists scramble to put microphones on the table in front of them.

Then he starts, “We, the members of the Reformers Party condemn in the greatest possible way the siphoning and wastage of funds by the NRM government.” 

If it is a rant about police: “ We, the Reformers Party condemn Police criminal behavior with the manhandling of our members in Budhumbula. We cannot sit back and watch, and we have called upon the Human Rights Watch to intervene! We condemn in the greatest way, the acts of the regime!”

Sometimes they threaten to go to court: “Why on earth did they have to stop our celebration? We have informed our lawyers to start proceedings and on Tuesday next week, we shall…”

They can also express disappointment as they wave their hands about wildly: “They tell people lies. We have told them the truth! This is the party that stands for the truth and only the truth!”

Then he pauses and looks around for approval.

Also waiting for the point to sink in. 

Sometimes they could demand the immediate release of a jailed member with immediate effect.

And what about when they disassociate themselves with a certain campaign and brand it illegal?

One of the press conferences that I found hilariously ridiculous was announcing the postponement of an event.

In the middle of a sea of stony-faced party officials, the speaker read from a prepared speech, stumbling over his words as he attempted to speak firmly in an imported English accent.


As he read and read, and occasionally raised his eyes, the message of defiance he was trying to send was lost in translation.

He sounded like something from the Shakespearean days.

Exaggerated, comic and if he could have, should have used “thee” and “hast”.

At one point, he attempted to shake his fist.

C'mon now, this was only an announcement for a postponement. 

I think they have been so conditioned to rail against something that everything needs a show of opposition. 


And when that speech is done, they permit only three questions.

And demand that the journos must stick to the subject addressed.

Hands shoot up.

Someone scribbles them down and they are answered. 

The rest of the members sit silently, stony-faced, but making sure they are captured in the camera shot.

Respect?

Then the journalists ask for a translation in Luganda. “Luugu please?”.

If there is anyone from a foreign media house- they will request for Kiswahili…