Tuesday 25 July 2017

#softloans

He wants money, he tells me. A million shillings, perhaps? A soft loan. To be paid back. When?

I got the call on Saturday, when I was deep into my afternoon nap, and I groggily told him to see me Monday. He said he had a business proposal.

I had not heard from this guy for ages, and considering that there is the “deep rift” between his family and mine, we see no business in finding out how we're all doing. But- when a man is down, he is down. He wants the money to "buy into the taxi business".

Gideon, let me call him that- starts by giving me some long tale about a shifty friend of his with whom they did business. But they parted ways when he felt he was being treated worse than a little serf. That that his “business partner” did not pay him, did not bother to inform him when there was big work to be done, that he criticized his dressing style, and that all that left him feeling down and unwanted. I know Gideon from when we were growing up- he still lives with his mother (whom I don’t really like- that two-faced bitch) and from what I gather, she is fed up with feeding and looking after a nearly 40- year old, who shows no signs of looking for a wife or leaving home. 

Gideon then launches into another long-winded tale of how he "was an accountant of some religious group and how I was eventually fired for loaning out money and not keeping records". And how he had tried to con his older sister in the UK to give him the money, but that if he had received the money, he would not buy the equipment he wanted the money for. Then he also talks about how he tried another uncle living in the UK, but that that relation was also not forthcoming (said with an air of “we shall see one day!”). Then how another aunt- also resident in the UK- had promised to fund this business, and next thing he knows, she doesn’t even want to talk to him now (what is this with us thinking that people out there are having it easy?? C’mon Ugandans are shoveling dirt off the walk-ways, changing the pampers off senior citizens’ soiled butts in old peoples’ homes, spending sleepless nights driving across the interstate, and here you are demanding that they fund your plans! You able-bodied middle-aged man with all limbs intact!).

After much probing from my side, he says he wants the money for his transport business aka taxi. I have heard this rumor before - (our extended family really have this grapevine) and I am not surprised. He tells me what the vehicle costs, and that he wants me to settle the “balance”. Just like that.

Hmmm…. I cannot believe my ears. I inform him, without cutting any corners- that I do not have that type of money and it will take me some time before I could offer some. Some that I know won’t hurt  if I don’t get it back.

Then he suddenly becomes demanding. “When do I get the money? You know you relatives who work in offices always promise and then don’t deliver. And now there is another cousin who I have asked but she first wants to see the 6.5m shillings before she can commit to giving me any more!” Then deviousness appears in the same breath- “But that one, I’ll just show her something small, and try to convince her that I have the other money, then she’ll give me her contribution!”.

Another long hmmm…. This young man has come to borrow money but is busy criticizing others and forgetting that he is displaying to me just how crafty he is and can be.

After making several attempts to end the conversation because I have piles of work on my desk, I finally convince him to leave and promise that I will "see what I can do". No big promises.

When I get home, I recount the tale to Dad. He listens to my speech then calmly tells me, “Your cousin is scared of going to prison.”

Dad tells me Gideon has a huge debt to pay off. That he had “eaten” an unspecified amount of cash when he was the bursar at some school. He lost his job and was asked to refund the cash and the matter would be forgotten, meaning it would not go to the Police. Seems he had made a commitment to refund the cash by end of 2016. But this has not been possible. The reason he is panicky.

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Now I know that there is no taxi business.

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