#valentinesuponus

Could all the ladies in the house who have never been out on a Valentine's date please stand up?
Hmmm… seems like I’m the only one on my feet.
Someone has offered to take me to the zoo. I’m still wondering if I can kowtow with this poohoo of taking walks among the animals.
Anyway, St. Valentine’s Day is upon us, and already tension and excitement is in the air.
For me, it will be normal workday, Inshallah. Wake up, go to work, eat lunch, work again, go home, sleep.
For others, they will pull out their red pair of trousers, red bowtie, red underpants, red vest, red belt, red hat, red pair of sitokisi.
Their girlfriends have already hinted on their demands, about how they will not be repeating the same dress they wore last year, and how if he doesn't buy her anything this year, then “hmmmm....she doesn't know!”
Side-dishes have already accepted their relegation and tied their mouths into sumbusas as the day approaches.
Telecom companies are already sending us their soppy messages about doubling the love with doubling data and free simcards.
Radio presenters have crammed adverts about "bivulus ku Valentayini eno" in "Nateete ku Solvivo pub" that will "kusindogomya endongo mpaka nga emambya esaze!".
Heeeeeh!
On that this Valentine’s Day, errand boys will deliver bouquets to offices from mysterious lovers who asked the florist to ensure they don't leave a name.
On that day, some singles will send themselves love messages. Let's see self-love month become real.
On that day, some radio stations will play love ballads even during the news.
On that day in the evening, music artistes will croon the songs they have spent months in the studio practicing.
On that day, restaurants will serve special Valentines’ menus at half-price, glasses of red wine, and chocolate delights.
On that day, hotels will prepare wonderful romantic offers- sundowners, intimate buffet dinners like roasted duck with plum sauce, love bite cocktails and strawberries in cream.
On that day, other exotic destinations that have promised romantic-never-to-forget experiences will be hosting love-birds to breakfasts of pasta in a silky sauce of eggs, evenings of rose-petal turndowns, wine in buckets.
Red roses will be like red roses everywhere. In the hands, between the teeth, hidden behind people’s backs.
On that day, hawkers downtown will call out their wares- plastic flowers, made-in-China teddy bears in red vests, cheap mini-love pillows in red gift bags.
Love interests will smile sweetly at each other, crushes will look on longingly, fleeced men will worry about that quick loan they took to finance the day and whether they will get value for money as they chew dryly on the food to get them in the mood. Others will desperately wait for phone calls that will never come.
One Valentine’s Day morning in the early 2000s, when I was still lounging lazily in bed, someone knocked on my hostel door.
Surprise. It was a guy I had had a crush on for five long months!
He didn't come in, but after some hurried “hi’s”, he said there was something he wanted me to keep for him. It was in a red kaveera, these ones from supermarkets of outside countries.
He said not to look inside please, but that he would return for it later in the evening because there was something in it that he wanted to give to someone special.
That day I couldn't settle, I had an excitement about me, a light air, joking with everyone even those who would usually irritate me. I couldn't wait for evening. I was in love, having graduated from crush zone. In my heart of hearts, I knew I was that someone special who was waiting to open that red kaveera.
Evening came. I bathed early and sat in my room, listening to soft music on my Dorotia. I wanted to be away from the cheap talk that usually occupied the other girl’s evenings. C’mon, I had a Valentine’s date!
7pm, 7:30pm - the night crept in. I waited.
At around 7:40pm, a knock on my door. Crush peered in.
“Hi.”
“Hi!” Extra cheerily from me.
“Kati, those things that I gave you.”
“Oh!” A small secret smile crossed my lips.
“You know, this day this year is special for me. I don't even know how to say it.”
“It’s okay. You don't have to say anything.”
He sat on the bed and I was on this bu-round bamboo stools we used in shule.
“You mean I shouldn't tell her anything?”
I came down from the stars where I had been. Had I heard right? Anyway, maybe he was speaking in riddles.
“Yeah, she leaves work at 7pm, but I had asked to see her at 8.”
My stars melted into a mess. I landed with an almighty thud.
"Eh? Who?” This was not a rumor.
He hesitated. “Someone, you’ll get to know soon. I have this crush on her. I hope it can blossom into something eventually. Y’know, like a relationship. I actually think I love her.”
I was stunned. My ears were burning. My chest tightened. My mouth was dry. My legs were numb. I nearly fell off the stool. I could feel the blood pounding in my temples. I was speechless.
After a few seconds, I regained my faculties.
“You should go!”
“But I wanted you to give me some tips on what to say… you know these love things are tight.”
“You go and kuyiiya the words. Its not hard. Just be simple. Go, you’ll be late.”
I closed the door behind him. This had not just happened. All along I thought he felt the same way. God, had I been light-hearted the whole day, for nothing?
The girls were hooting loudly in the quadrangle.
And because I was so shocked, I laughed.

Happy St. Valentine’s Day! These foreign things.