#ofinstantlyfamouspeople

Bukedde newspaper has had a field day with the Kanyamunyu- Akena saga. They have interviewed “witnesses” who “saw the altercation start at Legends Bar in Lugogo”; they have dug up the bones on Kanyamunyu’s haunts- like the “fact” that he “takes his own clipper, bulaasi (brush), cape when he goes to cut his hair at Sparkles salon and they have faithfully kept it as front page headline from the time of the incident up till today. But away from that, this unfortunate incident has unearthed a few things. For me.

1.
That the law can be interpreted in so many different ways, to suit the situation or the person. Like the perennial thief who says he steals food because he is hungry. This case has transformed ordinary citizens into lawyers of sorts, interpreting the 48-hour detention rule in so many ways and most of them finding it extremely weird that the suspects were kept locked up for more than 216 hours, and yet the law says…

2.
Kaweesi, the police spokesperson, wondered why there have been so many hushed whispers and finger- pointing at certain tribes and why people are “debating this case on ethnicity...". Kaweesi, it is a fact that most of us never want to admit it in public, but we still go back to our houses and say “Ako a’kaT…...., Eki’G…... ekyo e'kiS....... Tribal banner, tribal banter.

3.
Only Matthew and Cynthia know in detail what really happened that evening. Whether it was assassins from Burundi trailing Cy, whether Akena “scratched” Kanyamunyu’s car, why they took it in their stride to take the shot man to hospital, whether they know something about the murder weapon, why they didn't go to Police first and yet their lives were in grave danger.  There are so many versions of a story but only they and their God or gods know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. This public can really judge.

4.
There’s been this criticism about the demeanor of the suspects when they finally appeared in Nakawa court on Tuesday. The fact that Joseph, Matthew and “girlfriend” Cynthia were wearing wide smiles, bongaring like Rastafarians and mouthing “hi’s”, when a grave charge like murder was strung around their necks, has raised anger and debate. Mbu they should have been somber and sad, hanging their heads in so much shame and remorse, wearing sackcloth and ash in their hair. Hey, they are just suspects, remember?

5.
The emergence of body language experts who have no idea about what course or class to take to qualify to be a body language expert. When Cynthia arrived at the court in the police truck, she was smiling from ear to ear (some people called it “teething”). She had carried along two bags full of God-knows-what. As she was hurried along to the court's holding cells, she dug her hands into the pockets of her pants. Whenever she had a chance to stand or walk, she was pocketing. Uganda’s keen body language experts have already interpreted it to mean that it was kamanyiiro, and “did she think she was on the catwalk?”. However, a quick google search shows that pocketing in times of trouble can indicate “ defensiveness, indifference, reluctance, mistrust, nervousness”- the list is long. Also that “Studies show that smiles are based on many more emotions than happiness or contentment. A smile is sometimes based on conceit, embarrassment and shame, deceit, grief, tension and uneasiness.

6.
Then there are the “Kale me if I was Cynthia” types. That “I would cave in, become a state witness, record my testimony and flee the country  never to be seen again. How can I suffer and be humiliated like this?”. Because I am just a girlfriend, taking bullets for a man who might replace me with a chic he finds in prison.

7. 
I now acknowledge that you can become instantly famous for all the wrong reasons, and that people can actually replace a certain action or situation with your name. “I will Kanyamunyu you if you sit on my chair!” or “The city vendors were done a Kanyamunyu by KCCA goons.”

8.
Then there are these prophets of doom. No, not like that South African pastor who was Dooming his flock. But these ones who are like “We saw Amin’s Nubian flared-pants, goggle-wearing goons torture people. Where are they now? The tribe thing raising its ugly head again.

9.
I have seen a proposal for the Cynthia challenge. I wonder when it starts. It is premised on the fact that the first picture we saw of her, in a blue dress, sitting in the backseat of what looked like an expensive ride, and her appearance at court with her hair looking bedraggled are very different. One is of “Factory Settings” and the other is the riyo riyo her.

10.
But above all, what I am sure of is that you can plan your day to the minutest detail, but God is the master-planner. Like I said in my facebook post, I envision a story that starts thus… “Saturday the 12th of November began like every other Saturday. Little did Matthew Kanyamunyu know that he would be spending a cold night in a grimy police cell. Arrested on suspicion of his involvement in the death of Kenneth Akena Watmon…”