#abirigamister

So on Tuesday, social media was awash with the (shocking) long shot of the (now not so Honorable) MP Ibrahim Abiriga, he of Arua Municipality, relieving himself on the Finance ministry’s fence. His sunshine yellow automobile, with the engine probably running, was parked close by. I imagine this was what he told his driver, “Gundi gwe, nfa. First stop there. Kika! Bodyguard, twende, mi ndaka kojoa!"

Abiriga needs to be schooled on the etiquette of life on the upper side of town, where there are no signposts with “Usikojoe hapa”, “Tofuka wano. Fayini 100,000 shs”. Because, in this part of town, no-one expects anyone to go susuring (oba is it “cucuring?) like a stray dog. Those are things we do on village paths where you quickly slink into the bush, far away from any prying eyes, and ease yourself in the grass. No one will ever know. 

Abiriga needs to be schooled on the fact that everyone with a smart phone is a potential photographer. That these cameras can see through and around walls, through flower bushes, and in the dark. And that the color yellow which he loves to wear, down to the underpants, does nothing to help him hide in public.

He also needs a good 40-minute lesson, complete with practicals, on the virality on social media. He has made international news- BBC carried the story- for all the wrong reasons, not taking into account his sycophancy and his undying dedication to the color yellow. 

He has ably demonstrated that you can take a man out of the village, but it is an uphill task to take the village out of the man. MP Kato Lubwama came to his defense with a wry smile (is he also a roadside urinater?)- that when Abiriga felt the urge to go, then he had to go- because is diabetic. Granted. Naye he should have ordered his driver to drive like the devil was after them, to a nearby hotel, where the askaris would have fallen over themselves, saluting and calling him “Onalebo Age Limit”. 

Or better still, he could have thrown his bodyguard out of the back seat and made use of the good old plastic mineral water or soda bottle. 

But Abiriga aside—— one fine morning, on my way to work, a woman walking ahead of me nearly made me jump out of my skin when—— she suddenly crossed the road (near Mosa Courts), hitched her long skirt around her knees, squatted—— and right there, in full view of the walk to workers—— proceeded to water Jenny’s strip of newly planted grass—— a look of satisfaction spreading over her face as she emptied her bladder.