#damnedlists

This foolscap paper sheet with three columns separated by two carelessly drawn lines.
The one which bears a title “Wedding”, “Mabugo”, “Baby Shower” contribution, or whatever else money is being collected for.
It can arrive anytime. Sometimes it comes when you least expect it. Other times you do.
One example of when you least expect the foolscap paper sheet with three columns separated by two carelessly drawn lines, is when a colleague loses a loved one. Not on appointment of course.
In the other case - i.e. when you expect the appearance of the foolscap sheet of paper, is when a colleague tells you that another colleague is getting married, or kwanjulaing. So, it will definitely be at your desk in the next few days.
Anyway, there are times when that foolscap paper sheet with three columns separated by two carelessly drawn lines does not make an appearance. Rare.
Sometimes you have money to give.
Sometimes you do not want to give.
Sometimes you want to give but you do not have the money to give. Reasons: Bad time of the month. Budget things. Debt at the corner kiosk.
And this can happen to anybody.
Usually, the Bringer brings the foolscap paper sheet with three columns separated by two carelessly drawn lines to your work desk.
Name.
Amount.
Signature.
It could be at a time when your head could is buried deep in paper, when you need to beat a deadline, or when your eyes are glued to the computer. They place the paper in the free space near the computer mouse.
You (looking up at them): Hi. Yes?
Bringer: Yes. Hi.
You (giving Bringer a quizzical look): Yes?
Bringer (wondering why you don’t want to look at the foolscap paper sheet with three columns): Embaga.
You: Oh! Whose? (You read the name at the top of the sheet)
Bringer: Mangaman is getting married.
You: Kozzi, when is it, this wedding? (Your head is doing quick calculations- tomatoes, bread, Visiting Day, weekly homework package, school trip.)
Bringer: 26th July. (They’re now handing you the pen, because they need to move on to the next person before she stands up to leave.)
You (doing a quick scan at the contributors’ list): Kozzi what date is it today? (You are now really trying to buy time and so you grab at your desk calendar and pretend to be looking at dates, quickly thumbing through pages).
Bringer (volunteering): The wedding is next Friday.
You (terrified of looking bad): Oh ok. Kozzi where is it?
(You try a weak joke) How come I haven’t got my card? (a weak laugh quickly follows)
Bringer (irritation needle rising fast): Mangaman pinned the card on the noticeboard. We’re all invited!
You (finally dawning on you that you cannot, will not be able to wriggle yourself out of this one): I don’t have any money on me right now. I need to first go to the bank. (But you know your account is dry)
Bringer: It’s okay. I can collect it later, just write the date on which you’ll have money ready. (Pen is thrust at you)
You: (Feeling utterly and properly trapped.) Ooookaaayyy. Hmmm…. (You write number 25. Then you make a show of pressing the ka slow dot after your number 25. You start writing your name but your eye is doing a swift inspection of the list. Contributor Number One has pledged 500K. Number 3 is giving 350K. Gosh, these are regular people you work with!)
Bringer: No, you should write Number 27. See, this is number 26 (they show you the person before you. 200k.)
You: (realizing that you’ve written your name all crooked) Okay, let me see, let me see, let me see um… Today’s the 16th. Ok. Ha, kale check on me on 20th.
Bringer: But 20th is Sunday. (sighing) Anyway, write down your contribution and then I’ll pick the money on Tuesday. I’ll just indicate on the list that your payment is pending.
You: (Imagining that ‘ugly “Pending” word while the others have appended “Paid” flowery signatures!) Look, just come back on Tuesday. (You do not want to face Bringer of the foolscap paper sheet with three columns separated by two carelessly drawn lines, and with Mangaman's name scribbled at the top).
Bringer (resignedly): Okay.
They take their sheet and you thankfully breathe a sigh of temporary relief.
The contribution list.
Is real.